Put your hands up if you have ever been personally victimized by a 3 year old …
I feel very attacked right now.
I hate the age 3 …. HATE IT. For many many years I knew about “The Terrible Two’s” and was fully prepared to deal with it.
Well Bradley turned two, and while he had more tantrums and stubborn moments – he wasn’t terrible. He wasn’t defiant. He wasn’t a lot of work.
Well he’s 3 now … and good lord. Do I feel personally attacked.
If Dave is home, I’m not allowed to do anything. From switching on a light to putting on his shoes – I cannot do anything!
I’m not even allowed to open the front door!
Now … you may be thinking.
“Kirsten, you’re 8 month’s pregnant with twins, surely it’s nice to have a break?”
Well, I shall answer that question with two infuriating words ….
MOM GUILT!
Freaking mom guilt man.
Before becoming huge with these twins, I was a pretty active mom with Bradley. We’d go play soccer at the park, I’d climb the play equipment, we’d go on daily walks to random destinations …. and now …
Now I just can’t, I can barely sit on the floor and built LEGO with him.
So I’m relying on everyone else to play with him.
And if you know me at all …. you may know that I HATE relying on other people.
HATE IT!
But also, I feel so guilty – It should be me doing all of these things with him.
So every time he throws a tantrum because he wants Dave instead of me, I cry .. I cry because in my stupid brain it means I’m losing my boy because I can’t spend as much time with him at the moment.
I feel guilty that I can’t play with him, I feel guilty that his whole world is going to change and I have no real way to prepare him, I feel guilty that I’m having to rely on all of the people around me to pick up my slack … even though they also have full time jobs and hectic lives.
But most of all I feel guilty that I really dislike him at this age.
He’s so difficult and defiant, and just a crazy amount of work – I would argue way more work than a newborn.
Everything results in a huge meltdown:
Bradley let’s put on your shoes – meltdown
Bradley let’s have dinner – meltdown
Bradley let’s get in the bath – meltdown
Bradley let’s get OUT of the bath – meltdown (yes these meltdowns happen one after the other)
Bradley let’s get in the car ….
Bradley let’s get out of the car …
Let’s turn around
Let’s touch the ground …
You get the idea.
Dave and I are being bullied by a 3 year old!
And I am running out of energy, I seriously have very little left – he is wearing us out one emotional terror act after the other.
And all of his outbursts just make me think it’s all my fault, because I’m not doing all the things I normally do with him.
And the guilt spiral starts again.
And while logically, I am fully aware this is totally normal of his age. It has also caught us by surprise … because he is such a wonderful boy normally.
You know those moments in life when you’re faced with a situation and you think to yourself … shit … I need an adult.
And then you realize … you’re the damn adult and you have to deal with it?
Every time his 3 year old goblin makes an appearance … I just freeze and go … HELP where is the person in charge?
Damn you goblin … stay away!
There is only one thing Bradley will allow me to do, and that is put him to sleep – he cuddles into my face (so I cant breath) and insists I sing his sleep song – and my heart feels all better again.
Sure lying down with a toddler is super difficult at the moment, sure the heart burn kills me the entire time but his little nose smooshed up against mine makes it all better.
And that ladies and gentlemen is the powerful trap of having a child.
You can want to kill them one second and then never want to be away from them another.
Damn those goblins – those little adorable goblins who have no idea how close they come to dying everyday.
